Yo. Opie here. The Gomester's in jail again. He got in trouble last night, big time.
See, dogmom came home and fed us and took us for a quick-business-walk and then she left again. Something about class and she'd be back. Whatever.
Anyway, when she came home again about 9:00, it was dark outside and she hooked our collars to those long ropey things and let us out the back door. Gomer saw something move and went to chase it. (I think it was a leaf, but he swears it was a squirrel; but I sure didn't smell any squirrels.)
Anyway, he took off so fast that he broke his collar and then he was free. He ran around the yard a few times... but then he didn't come back when dogmom called because now there really was a squirrel back there. Dogmom was definitely not happy.
She took me back inside when I was done with my business and gave me a treat for being a good boy and doing my business and everything. Then, she grabbed Gomie's harness and leash and went back outside. She came back in a little while later and got one of those tubes with a light on the end and left again. Then she came back in and got her coat and the car keys. I heard her call the policeman and talk to them. (I recognized it cuz that's what she did when I took my three-hour tour back on July 18.)
Anyways, she described Gomer to the little silver thing that she holds up to her ear sometimes when she talks. She said he was shy around men and that he probably wouldn't come to a stranger if they called him. She seemed especially concerned because he didn't have his collar on with the jingly things. And, Gomer ALWAYS comes back when he's called and he didn't this time.
And he didn't. And, he didn't. And he, still didn't.
It was like forever. I swear; it was at least a whole day in dog years. I saw the news people come on the TV. I watched that funny guy do the Top 10 list and interview George Clooney. I even watched the other funny guy with the Scottish accent that used to be on the Drew Carey show for a while. No Gomer and no dogmom.
Then, when Oprah came on... I'm usually way asleep by now but I can't sleep because dogmom and Gomer aren't here. Anyways, when Oprah came on, I heard the door open downstairs. There was my long-lost bestest friend.
Cuz it didn't smell like Gomer. Gomer smells like dog and this dog smelled really really funky.
Cuz it didn't look like Gomer. Gomer's yellow and white and this dog was most definitely black.
Cuz it didn't feel like Gomer. Gomer's soft and this dog was kind of crusty.
And, it didn't sound like Gomer. Gomer doesn't whimper and whine like that.
Anyway. Dogmom said he'll be fine. But, he has to stay in jail until she can give him a proper bath. Who's the dope now, Gomer?
Wuf Ya! - Opie